Ah, how often have I been accused of being selfish, narcissistic, or even manipulative. It didn’t matter whether I had planned the family outing again because my husband or the children had not expressed any wishes, my later boyfriend often told me he did not see himself in the position to plan all activities alone, or my demented mother thought I only cared about myself – time and again, it plunged me into deep self-doubt, abyssal weakness, and confusion.

I took care of self-love, yes, because I ultimately have the right to live. Terms like narcissist, empath, egoist, or even the evil ego and then also self-love ultimately stem from a dualistic evaluative New Age movement of the 1980s.

I have stopped wanting to explain myself and am capable of fulfilling my modest basic needs myself. Period!

Everything else is war, and I no longer have any interest in that.

What is the self anyway?

Self-awareness, self-security, self-confidence, self-love, self-care, self-empowerment, self-actualization, but also self-doubt, self-condemnation, self-forgetfulness, and self-degradation are often replaced by ego…

Does a person even know what they are saying with that?

The self is our divinity, the player who gets to experience an experience with a figure in this game – in a material body with a tool that constantly evaluates, documents, and analyzes these experiences. This tool is called ego, which is trained and fueled by programs, conditioned thoughts, and “fate blows.” Additionally, there are various societal and religious dogmas that tell the ego what it may and may not do. The self watches bored and directs the life course of the embodied self in such a way that after many, many loops of repetition, it must eventually recognize that there is more than fears, securities, illnesses, success, and optimizations.

“Know Thyself” – this saying is so old and still not understood. The self can feel, perceive, enjoy, experience pleasure and pain, and ecstasy in a human body and, above all, experience love in all its facets.

The soul is the part of the self that feels the experience without evaluating it. It is like a roller coaster ride at the fair, which one voluntarily embarks on to experience that thrill, the adrenaline kick, the satisfaction afterward…

In my life, there was a phase when I was about 52-56 years old, when no one wanted to listen to me, when no one wanted to understand me, when I was a disturbance, too much and yet not enough, and did everything wrong. I began to communicate with the spiritual world and remembered my self that I am. And behold, I recognized myself and the many, many lies in this world and finally the important connection of our instinctual nature with our divine self. The source in the heart space, in the pelvic space, and in the pineal gland. There is nothing that needs to be removed or added in human existence. We all arrive at the destination. This destination is simultaneously the start and the zero point and outside of time and space as well as all other constructs in this matrix. Every person creates their self-experiences until the strong longing to “come home” becomes ever more intense. When I dealt with a severe Lyme disease, I intuitively knew that the time had come for me to wake up and remember. I had sent my ego into retirement, but it continued to chatter in my head. When there is sometimes no outside that can mirror something to me, it is still unfamiliar to “not have to do anything,” but this habit is slowly giving way to a peaceful serenity. The thoughts of my ego may flow into the heart, where they are purified; often, thoughts and programmed emotions of my beloved fellow humans are also found there. Sometimes I actually perceive that there is only myself in my self-created universe, and everything outside is a mirror. All the people I encounter are myself in other incarnations, and those I have never met, but only know from stories (Jesus, Adolf, Napoleon), do not exist or are merely ideas. So why should I argue with other aspects of my self about what ego is and what is not, or what is true and what is not? Every day is a new creation full of ideas, concepts, and stories.